Emotionally Intelligent People Use 3 Phrases to Reduce Defensiveness
Experts in emotional intelligence offer three simple phrases to help manage feelings of defensiveness and improve relationships.
Fast Company published an article addressing the common feeling of defensiveness and providing three simple phrases that can help manage it. According to the article, defensiveness is a natural response to a perceived attack, activating the brain's fight, flight, or freeze response.
Instead of reacting immediately, emotionally intelligent individuals aim to understand the root causes of their reaction, such as feeling misunderstood, marginalized, or unsupported. The article emphasizes that identifying feelings is the first step in managing them.
Once a feeling of defensiveness is recognized, the article suggests engaging in an open conversation with the person who triggered the situation. The goal is to share one's feelings and propose solutions to the problem. Alternatively, one can focus directly on the identified problem and work collaboratively to solve it.
The article introduces three self-talk phrases that can help reduce defensiveness: "They don't know," "I don't know," and "What if." These phrases help remind individuals that others have their own perspectives and limitations in knowledge, which can aid in breaking negative thought patterns and strengthening relationships.