Mentoring is Earned Through Reciprocity and Difference
Fast Company published an article challenging traditional views on mentoring, emphasizing its reciprocal nature and the importance of embracing differences for growth. The piece suggests mentoring is earned rather than directly requested.
A recent article in Fast Company reframes the concept of mentoring, arguing it is a relationship that is earned through consistent engagement and valuable contributions, rather than a transaction initiated by a direct request. This perspective challenges the common notion of asking for a mentor.
According to Lisa Fain, CEO of the Center for Mentoring Excellence and co-author of "Bridging Differences for Better Mentoring," a primary misconception is that mentoring solely involves knowledge transfer from an experienced individual to an apprentice. Fain emphasizes that true mentoring is a reciprocal relationship, generating learning in both directions through an "interpretive lens" where mentors share their experiences and explore how they might apply differently to the mentee.
The article also highlights the mistake of defaulting to similarity in mentor-mentee pairings. Leaders often gravitate towards individuals who remind them of themselves, or avoid discussing differences altogether. Fain asserts that this homogeneity stunts growth, stating that change and transformation occur through "dissonance" and "friction," rather than comfort and sameness. A mentoring relationship built across differences, with courage to ask "What am I missing?", can transform both individuals.
Furthermore, organizations often miss that a mentoring program is merely a starting point; the ultimate goal is to cultivate a mentoring culture. The "pair and pray" approach, where programs are launched with the hope they succeed, is deemed insufficient. A program creates conditions, but culture sustains the practice of developing oneself and others.
For individuals seeking mentorship, the article advises against leading with an ask. Instead, it recommends identifying someone whose expertise is admired, articulating specific reasons for admiration, and requesting a single conversation. Success is measured by following up on what was learned and applied, thereby earning the relationship before formally naming it. This process is described as the beginning of transformational learning.